That Maternal Life

A common question I get asked now that I am pregnant again is, 'so where are you having your baby.'  A pretty standard question that, I'm sure, pregnant women all around the world hear and have to answer all the time! The not so standard part - my response and their reaction.

When met with the answer 'oh we're having a home birth' people seem to, almost recoil and you can see the confusion on their faces as they reply with 'oh. wow. great...why would you do that?' So rather than answer each person individually here is my answer:

Okay, so to start I'm going to add a disclaimer. If I say anything here you don't agree with, that's okay! If I don't like something that is your holy grail then I am so happy that it worked for you. If something didn't work for me, it doesn't mean it won't work for you and it doesn't make it a bad product!
I also don't have the whole collection (I wish I did but unfortunately I don't!) so I can only give my opinions on the products I do have.

Today I will be discussing the Soft Matte Lip Cremes, the Jumbo Lip Pencils, the Nyx Wonder Pencil, the eyeshadow palette in 'Wicked Dreams' and the Nyx Illuminator Powder in Enigmatic. There will also be a special mentioning of the Nyx single eyeshadow in the shade Liquid Gold!

I will leave links to the individual products after their reviews.

So..let's get started!

Face:

I am going to start with face products as I only have one, which is the Nyx Illuminator in the shade Enigmatic,

TOP ROW

MIDDLE ROW

BOTTOM ROW

Picture from www.budgetbeautybog.com

http://www.boots.com/en/NYX-Professional-Makeup-Hot-Singles-Eye-Shadow_1770465/

L-R: Copenhagen, Seoul, San Paulo, Morocco and Amsterdam

Top to Bottom: Copenhagen, Seoul, San Paulo, Morocco and Amsterdam

My favourite shades to wear are Copenhagen, (first dark coloured liquid lipstick I tried!) San Paulo and Amsterdam. 

April 9th 2014. The day our lives changed forever. The day I found out I was pregnant. I have already done a post on telling family I was pregnant so go give that a read!

My actual pregnancy with Ollie was very straight-forward. I had no complications, no issues and for the most part, no symptoms (hence the shock finding out!) The only thing I really remember suffering from was heartburn, further into my second trimester, and my asthma worsening, which was to be expected with everything shifted up!!

Here are my scans from Ollie:

12 weeks,

20 weeks.

Unfortunately, it was after he was born we ran into complications! TMI WARNING!!

My cervix closed round half my placenta and I suffered a PPH (post partum heamorraghe, basically I lost a LOT of blood) we were just about to be wheeled to theatre to get the placenta out when I managed to get it out, thank goodness!! I did suffer a 2nd degree tear, which meant stitches! I actually got higher on gas and air when they were stitching me up than I did when I was in labour as I was so scared about a needle in my foof!!! All I remember is my mum telling me to shut up because I was slurring and talking crap and seeing 2 doctors and asking mum why it needed 2 doctors and which one I should talk to!!!

And then he was here all 8lb 8oz of him and we couldn't have been more in love. That rush of love is so indescribable to someone who hasn't experienced it. It's like you can feel your heart growing and you know you will do whatever it takes to protect them forever.

And he's never given us our hearts back since.

Being pregnant, at any age or stage of life, means that people perceptions of you and your body change. You suddenly appear to become public property and every Tom, Dick and Harry feels it is their right to touch your belly! Comments such as 'you're huge' 'are you sure its not twins' and 'you must be ready to drop' are now apparently, not only acceptable, but necessary in daily conversation.

However, being pregnant at 19 also opens you up to other forms of, often silent, judgement. Sly glances, whispered comments that you just catch, the loss of friends and, more recently, online trolls who think that, even if they don't know you, it is okay to send comments that they intend to be hurtful and that they wouldn't dare say to your face.

Phrases such as 'slut ' slag'  'couldn't keep her legs shut' are thrown around, without so much as a second thought for the damage that words like that can do.
I experienced this, especially once I started showing. Living in a very student filled city it was almost impossible to escape the judgement, and yes it was hard at that time and a horrible thing to go through, but most of the people making these comments didn't know me or my story so I quickly decided that as long as me, Ian and my beautiful baby were healthy and happy they could say what they want. One particular phrase that really helped me was one I remember hearing a lot in my childhood and it was:


Finding out that I was pregnant at 19 was most definitely not part of my plan, my son was not planned, at all, and he came as just as much of a surprise to me as to anybody I told. But surprisingly one of the things that I was most worried about wasn't how I would cope, because somehow I just knew I would, but about what people would think of me when they found out.

I was very lucky that the majority of my family were understanding, they knew we hadn't planned it, but they were also so supportive of my decision to keep him so I didn't suffer too much with family. But I know that some people do and are very scared to tell their parents. To those people I would say that I totally understand. Telling your parents something as big as that you're pregnant is a big thing and, especially for me, you're overwhelmed with the desire not to disappoint them. All you need to remember is that your parents love you, no matter what, and that won't change just because you're having a baby.
Some parents take more time than others to come round to the idea of their baby, having a baby, but as your pregnancy continues and they see scan photos and feel their new grandchild moving around, they will fall in love and come round. At the end of the day, all they want is for you to be happy and as long as they can see that, they rest will fall into place.

One of the more difficult experiences for me was telling my friends, both old and new, that I was pregnant. Being in my first year of university a lot of my friends were new ones and were the only friends I had in Leicester. I'm not going to lie, I did lose a lot of friends through becoming pregnant, both because of my decision to keep my baby and because our lives then started going in different directions. While they were preparing for second year, I was preparing a nursery!

However, some friends stuck around and for those people I am truly grateful. One little Geordie lady in particular kept me super sane throughout my pregnancy and was still there for me when Ollie was born, in fact she is Ollie's godmother (even though he isn't actually christened!)

One of my other friends from university found out that she was pregnant the month after me so having her to go through the experience with was nice. Just having someone of the same age range, experiencing the same things that you are was more of a help than I could have imagined, so one of my biggest tips is to get on Facebook, join some mum and mums to be groups in your area and find yourself some friends!!!

Honestly, having friends, even if they were older, who were going through the same things I was really made all the difference to how I coped with being pregnant and I promise you, it will help you too. There are also groups that you can start going to even before you have your babies and make friends. Ante-natal classes are another great way of meeting other pregnant ladies from your area, many of who will be due around the same time as you, so those friendships you forge there could continue when your babies are born and trust me, you'll appreciate that one friend who also turns up to playgroup with sick down their top and their hair in a messy bun, not a scrap of makeup on their face (in case you were wondering, yes, that was me!)

So all in all, being pregnant at 19 wasn't a walk in the park. It was tough, it was challenging and it was eye-opening. I think younger mums can have it hard as other people at that age can be cruel and aren't scared of telling you what they think, especially keyboard warriors.
But I am here to tell you that even with all of that, you will get through it. You have that wonderful life growing inside of you, a miracle that, unfortunately, some women don't get to experience. Enjoy the experience, every single second of it because one day you will look back and miss being pregnant and having that life inside of you that no-one else can feel. It's a special bond that no-one else will experience and pretty soon you will have your baby in your arms. And that is another amazing experience all in itself.

And once you're a mother no-one, not even those internet trolls that really dig at you and drag you down, will matter, because you have your baby and you'll experience a love like no other that will fulfil you and sustain you for the rest of your life.

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